For the past couple of, I don’t know… let’s say weeks, I’ve been having a really hard time with things. I’ve felt like the God I love, the God I serve, has been rather quiet on the prayer answering front. I’ve been submitting prayers to Him and waiting and waiting and waiting for an answer to these prayers and all I’ve been getting is… well… nothing. At least that’s what it seems like.
This has led to a great sense of frustration–frustration I can handle because I refuse to not trust my God. However, for some unknown reason, this frustration came to a head recently. For the first time in my life I had the audacity to get angry at God.
Not, “Oh Lord, I’m angry. Help me with my anger,” but, “God, you SUCK! What are you doing and why aren’t you helping me? Why have you abandoned me here? What the CRAP are you doing?!”
Well, it turns out I’m going through the Wilderness.
This is a concept I hadn’t been familiar with, but have read about several times. The Israelites went through it, Moses, David, Elijah, John the Baptist, even Jesus Himself. I didn’t realize that this experience is a necessary step in my growing faith and I don’t really know what to expect.
Here’s what I do know:
This absolutely, royally and completely sucks. I hate this space and I don’t want to be here. But according to my research (here and here) it turns out complaining about this is the best way to extend my stay in this place, so I’ma shut up about that right about… now.
Secondly, I refuse to stay here, so not only am I going to not whine about this further, I’m going to head straight into this beast to do whatever it is God would have me do. The thing about this type of experience is there is no time limit. Jesus was in the wilderness 40 days. The Israelites were in it 40 years. I know for a fact that I don’t want to be here 40 years, but I’m willing to bet the amount of time I spend here depends completely on how well I respond to the process.
My prayer is I catch on well and I catch on quick.
I had a buddy who went through something like this. He had leukemia, but not once did he complain. Instead, his attitude was, “I just want to do this right the first time so I don’t have to go through this again.”
I want to be like my friend because he did what Jesus did–he looked straight ahead, trusted fully and completely in the Lord and came out of his wilderness experience a victor. I’m currently in the middle of my experience. Well, I don’t know if I’m at the beginning, middle or towards the end of it, but I currently don’t care. I’m in it and I’m in it to win it, ya’ll.
I’ll let you know how it goes, 
Still praying my “awesome” prayers, lol.
I’d say more but we talked about this for hours already! Love you.
That is great. You sound like a very strong person already. A weak person couldn’t have wrote this. You may be trying to convince yourself, but even if that’s the case, it’s still a testament to your strength. You will win!
*have written
Thanks, Najat. Things are getting better. Answers are being given. Turns out I’ve been a little deaf this entire time and my ears are starting to open,