“Giving up.”
That’s what came to my mind after todays reflections. I have to give up some things in order to let God take over them.
Here’s an example of what I think God sees in me.
When my son is hungry he gets really fussy and well… pissed. But when his mom and I respond to his needs, he puts his hand in his mouth. We’ll be sitting there trying to feed him, but he’s too busy being pissed and putting his hand in his mouth to notice us there to feed him. He then has the nerve to look at us like we’re denying him something (it’s the cutest, scrunchiest, ugly face EVAR too, ^_^). We look at him like, “kid, if you move your hand and quite fussing so much, you’d be fed by now.” We patiently wait for him to get out of his own way and relax for a sec, then he gets fed and he’s happy.
I figure that’s what Day 1 was like for God. I was needing something He was ready to give me, but I was too busy fussing and being pissed to notice. This brings clarity to Matthew 18:3:
“Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven.”
My son has shown me what it is I am doing and why it is I’m probably not receiving the blessings and answers I’m looking for: I’m holding on to too much crap.
One thing I think about are all the things I thought I wanted to be or do by now. I wanted to be a successful artist, writer, photographer, something creative. So far, not so much. I’ve always loved comics and stories and I’ve always wanted to make cartoons and comics, but even now I don’t feel like I have the time or skill to do these things.
So, I’m giving up. Not in the sense that I’m giving up my hope to one day finish the story I’ve been writing since I was 14 (or making a comic or designing characters, or something along those lines), but I’m giving up worrying about when or even if I’ll get to do this.
I’m “letting go and letting God.”
P.S. Psalm 37 and 38 are amazing. More on that tomorrow… maybe… 
